you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
