Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize