and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
