Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
