my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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