I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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