happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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