it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she peed on how many people?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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