Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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