You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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