you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
