I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
