Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She needs sedatives and a leash
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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