hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
