True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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