I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
