'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
