yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
