Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
