Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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