I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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