the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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