Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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