Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
