# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
