you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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