Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
