I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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