chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
