I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
