she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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