please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
