So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
