I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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