And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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