you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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