paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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