it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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