Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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