True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
