we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
