i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
