im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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