Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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