Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
