have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
