I wish my penis had an off switch
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
