Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
