I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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