I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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