I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
