I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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