as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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