I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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