It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
