k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
