cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I see more hoeing in ur future
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