just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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