im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
