there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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