Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
