bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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