cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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