I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My hand turned me down
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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