I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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