i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize