Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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