Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
