i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
