Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
