Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
