I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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