i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
