I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
