just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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