Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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