you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
