Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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