on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
