I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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