how can u be prego again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize