I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
