Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
