Even the bartender felt bad for me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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