So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize