how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
