For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
